Religious Freedom Legislation Scenarios - It may not be as cut and dry as you think

Here’s all I have to say about religious freedom legislation. The big question doesn’t have anything to do with homophobia or discrimination. The big question is: Where do my rights end and yours begin? I have provided a few examples of situations for you to consider. I won’t give my opinion.

Example one: I own a hotel in a small town. My friend Joe from college usually stays in my hotel when he comes into town for business. One weekend he shows up with a woman who I know is not his wife. I feel that if I rent him a room, I am participating in his adultery. Should I be required by law to rent him a room this time?

Example two: I have a small garage apartment for rent. My daughter’s best friend from high school wants the apartment. I agree to rent it to her at first, but as we continue to talk, I realize her boyfriend will be living with her and paying part of the rent. She can only afford the apartment with his help. If I believe that it is morally wrong to live together and have sex before getting married, should I be required by law to rent the apartment?

Example three: I own an event planning business. We plan many types of events including business luncheons, conferences, birthdays and weddings. Joan is a local business woman I have worked with many times. I know she is a lesbian, but that doesn’t affect our business relationship. She owns a local business and has hired my company to plan several luncheons. She recently decided to marry her partner and calls me for a bid to plan the wedding. I am morally opposed to same-sex marriage. Should I be required by law to plan her wedding?

Example four: I am a preacher. Mary and John are members at my church who are dating. They have both been married before. Mary’s husband died of cancer, but John divorced his wife because he didn’t love her anymore. I am opposed to performing marriage ceremonies for people who have already been married and divorced. Should I be required by law to perform the ceremony of two of my church members who have been divorced?

Example five: I am an atheist. I strongly believe that all religion is morally wrong because of all the wars and deaths that can be attributed to religion. I own a publishing company that is in a book deal with an author. One of my editors has done most of the work and has verbally promised a deal to the author. The book is well written, the type of book we normally publish and should draw in business from a niche market we have been targeting. When I read the author’s biography that is slated to go in the back of the book, I see that she declares that she is a Christian and gives credit to her talent to God alone and even provides a website for more information about her church. Should I be required by law to complete the book deal if she refuses to remove these things from her biography?

Draw your own conclusions.

We're not THAT homeschool family

Well, we are a homeschool family, so I thought I would write a little about that today. First, let’s talk about stereotypes. There are stereotypes based on races, nationalities, religions, occupations and regions in which someone lives. Usually, most of these stereotypes are seen as offensive. The same holds true for education choices. All of them. Yes, many of us who homeschool have a stereotypical idea of public school and private school kids. I’m raising my hand to say I have been guilty of this, and it’s wrong. So just as some of you with public school kids don’t want others assuming they are worldly cheaters with no creativity and no morals who are just sheep in a giant institutional box of chaos; and just as some of you with private school kids don’t want others assuming your kids are snotty over-privileged elitist bullies, I would like to address some of the stereotypes we have come across and tell you that we are not that homeschool family. I’ve seen other lists similar to this, but this is specific to our family.

1. Our children are not overachievers. The other day, I told someone I was homeschooling, and she assumed my daughter was ahead of grade level just like some other friend of hers. I sometimes wish this were true, but it’s not. However, I know if my daughter or son does find a subject she or he is excelling at and wants to advance more quickly, it can be done without having to wait for the rest of the class. Also, if they are struggling, they can slow down without holding a whole class back.

2. We do not stay in our pajamas all day (usually). We could, I suppose, but I am a great believer in showers, especially for teenage boys, so we shower and get dressed every day. We could stay in our pjs if we wanted to, though, and if someone is sick, they can do that and still get a little work done without infecting a whole school.

3. Our children do not lack social opportunities. This is a biggy, and it is probably the one that most homeschool families feel the most defensive about. The great thing about homeschooling, is you can tailor social experiences to your child. We find the activities they enjoy, and so the kids they associate with are those that share similar interests. If you don’t think this is how it works in public or private school, ask your kids about clicks. It’s a similar concept, but without the bullying. We also choose to have our children participate in classroom experiences such as fine arts classes, Sunday school, and academic classes. They are also involved in sports, scouting and youth group. Oh, and we try to model appropriate social interaction at home and when we take our kids to church, restaurants and stores. Who is modeling appropriate social interaction for kids in traditional schools?

4. Our children are not perfect angels who never talk or cause trouble. I wish. If you know us, I didn’t need to explain this. Public and private school kids do not have the corner market on bad behavior. Our kids are individuals and have free will just like everyone else, so sometimes they make bad choices. Sometimes they make good choices too, though. Either way, we are there to congratulate them and encourage them and discipline when necessary.

5. We don’t do hokey things like hold a homeschool prom with just family members. Last year, Jessica attended a homeschool prom. It was a beautiful event with professional band/DJ, great decorations and over 1000 kids. Last week, I saw an episode of “Good Luck, Charlie” on the Disney channel where a girl invited the oldest son to a prom. When he got there, it was just the girl, her mom and her grandma. She was homeschooled. The whole thing was portrayed as sad, boring and pitiful. I have to say, I was a little offended by this stereotype. We might jokingly call ourselves Clifton Academy or take a field trip with just our family, but we aren’t sad, boring or pitiful. Do you know my kids? I’m right, huh.

6. We are not political activists, separatists, or fanatics about much of anything. We have our beliefs, sure. And there are some homeschool families that really take on their causes. There are also families in public and private schools who do this. We are more subtle in our support of things, and we are comfortable with that. We try to train our children to think for themselves and hold a Christian world view. I have never attended a rally or held a picket sign, but when we see others doing that, we discuss it, and sometimes our opinions differ. I think this is healthy.

7. The kids only dress weird sometimes. I have one who has a unique sense of style, so I can’t say they never dress weird, but she did the same thing when she attended public school, so it doesn’t really count. The other one only wants gaming t-shirts and basketball shorts. He’s kind of in style on accident. They know what other kids dress like. They just don’t feel pressured to copy all of it. They look at the styles and then decide if they like it or not. I won’t say we have never bought anything because it was a trend, but we don’t do it all the time. They don’t have to keep up with the crowd. We do talk about things like modesty and cleanliness and what colors go together, but that’s about it. The last time Jessica begged for a trend, it was Toms, which I would love to support. She tried them on, and they aren’t comfortable on her foot, so she didn’t get them. She got the Sketchers version instead. If the Wal-Mart ones are just as cute in her opinion, she might get those. Brands, shmands. It’s all good.

8. We don’t own land or goats or chickens. This is another “I wish.” It would be great if we could, but we live in a subdivision with an HOA and a postage-stamp yard. My kids don’t know how to milk cows, gather eggs or grow a garden. I would like them to learn some of this, but unless we move, it won’t happen. That’s okay.

9. I’m not super patient, super organized or a saint, and I doubt myself a lot. I get frustrated and mad at my kids sometimes. I lose things frequently, and I have to use a calendar and lists to survive. Oh, and don't get me started about my housekeeping skills. I don’t parent perfectly or teach perfectly, and I don’t pretend to. I am at peace with all of my failings most of the time, but I occasionally worry that I am ruining my kids. I don’t think this is an exclusive worry for homeschool parents, though. I just think we have ownership of more of our kids’ time, so it might hit me more often. By the way, if you think public or private school teachers and principals are super patient, super organized and saints and don’t doubt themselves, you haven’t spent much time in a school as an adult. I’m not perfect, but no one else is either, and I love my kids more than anyone else does, except God.

10. I don’t think everyone should homeschool. But, I think everyone should have the right to make that choice for their family. Can I tell you a secret? I wish public school had worked for my kids. We tried. It didn’t. So, just like you would go to the moon if it is what would help your kids have the right tools to succeed, we made this choice to pull our kids out of an environment that was emotionally and academically unhealthy for them, and are trying to give them the opportunity to meet their potential in a different way. If public school works for you, use it. If you can afford a great private school, do it. If neither of these are great choices, but you have to work full time to survive, do the best you can with public school or make some lifestyle changes. Whatever you decide, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, and unless a child in another family is being abused or neglected, keep your other opinions to yourself and try not to judge. So far, this country is still free (although some might argue that freedom is in jeopardy, but that’s a different discussion), so live and let live and don’t be so sure you “could never homeschool.” I used to say that, and I’ll tell you what I have told all my friends who say it now. You could if you had to.

Twisted

Here’s my confession of the day: I’m a lazy baker. If there is a mock recipe, a mix, a shortcut, I’ll take it.  I used to think I liked bread making. There was something therapeutic about kneading the dough and smelling the baking bread. But somewhere between the bread machine craze of the 90s, my 70 hour work weeks when I temporarily lost my soul to retail, and two kids two years apart, I changed my mind. It’s cheaper, I said. The yeast went bad, I explained. I just don’t have the time, was my final excuse. But, in reality, I just don’t like it. My back, my time and my sanity won’t allow it anymore. The therapy does not outweigh the effort.

So two weeks ago, Jessica and I had the house to ourselves for five days. The guys were at camp, and I had plans, grand plans. Jessica (with a little help and support from me) would clean, de-clutter and empty her room, buy paint and redecorate. I would clean the house to a pre-Christmas state. Jessica and I would come up with healthy meal plans and find new ways to eat well and get in shape.  Yeah, right.

Instead, we went out to eat, ran a million errands and watched a lot of Netflix and Youtube. 

We did go to Kroger to pick up some food for the week, though. That was sort of on my list. Before we went, I asked Jessica what she wanted to make, and she said she wanted to make soft pretzels. Mall pretzels. Ugh. Now you see why I bought up baking. I have never made pretzels because they have too many steps. I like two step recipes. 1. Mix everything together 2. Cook it. Pretzel recipes have more than two steps. Many more.  I was tempted to pull the you-never-worked-on-your-room-so you’r- getting’-nothin’-card, but I decided to try another tactic. “I think they have soft pretzels in the freezer section at Kroger.” That was plan A “No, I really want to make them.” She said. “We can have a whole appetizer night with honey-barbecue wings, mozzarella cheese sticks, and the pretzels. Come on Mom. It will be fun.”

I did say we were going to make healthier choices, right? What happened to that?

I went into a mild panic when she started talking about making the cheese sticks from scratch, too. I was able to talk her out of that since the frozen cheese sticks cost less than a bag of mozzarella string cheese.  That was a close one.

I had glanced over a couple of recipes for the pretzels before we hit the store. All we needed was yeast, so we grabbed that and the rest of our junk and headed home. 

The next thing I had to do was choose a recipe. I found a great quick pretzel recipe that I wanted to try, but it didn't pass the Jessica test. The comments said they tasted more like rolls and there was no rising and extensive kneading involved. Here is a link to it, though if you have baking issues like me: http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2012/12/25/30-minute-whole-wheat-pretzels/ 

I was tired of feeling like the laziest and most boring mom in the world, so I gave in. We found a standard recipe here: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/buttery-soft-pretzels/, and went to work.

Our first challenge was getting the water the right temp to activate the yeast without killing it. I think this has been my main problem with baking in the past, but this time I decided I would use my candy thermometer to check. Yeah, that didn't work, because it is evidently perpetually stuck at 30 degrees. I tried a meat thermometer next, but that didn't  work either, so I finally pulled out a digital oral thermometer and maxed it out to get the temp to a perfect 110 degrees.

To be honest, after that, it wasn't so bad, just a little time consuming. We read the comments below the recipe and noticed that most people needed less flour that the 5 cups called for, so we started with 2 cups of whole wheat flour (healthy, right?) and 1 cup of unbleached and added a mix of the two as we were kneading.

We found the rolling out and twisting just a little challenging, because the dough didn't seem to want to roll, so ours aren't as pretty as the photo on the recipe page, but are these things ever?

The step where we had to dip the twisted pretzels into baking soda water wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. So, I survived baking and now have a jar of yeast in my refrigerator. The time I spent with Jessica was priceless, and I will try to embrace these opportunities more in the future. After all, if I hadn't caved, I would have missed the following silliness:

 Oh, and the pretzels were pretty tasty. In fact, maybe I'll bake a loaf of bread or some cinnamon rolls this week. Well, probably not.

First World Mom Problems

Recently, I saw a post titled "First World Problems."It was kind of funny, but it made me think about how many stupid things we complain about or insult others about, so I came up with my own list. Expect more to come.

Top 10 First World Mom Problems

1.On the ½ mile drive to the park, the person in front of me paused three seconds before going after the light turned green.
2.I can’t decide whether to heat up the frozen lasagna or go out for dinner.
3.I have a closet full of clothes and ten pairs of shoes, but I can’t decide what to wear to Wal-Mart.
4.My kids are bugging me because the satellite went out and they don’t know what to do.
5.When I got home from the grocery store, I screamed because birds had crapped all over the driveway.
6.My neighbor put gnomes in her flowerbed.
7.When I was checking out at the grocery store, the clerk actually sighed when she saw my two carts full of groceries.
8.I had to wait in line at the ATM because the idiot in front of me didn’t pull up close enough and had to get out of his car to complete his withdrawal.
9.I’m tired of my kids taking so long to decide what shoes to wear.
10.My son made me late for work because he took 10 minutes to find his blue Transformer when it was mixed in with his collection of 500 Hotwheels cars all along.

Past Due Tribute

(E.H. (Jack) Byers Jr. standing, third from left)

Our new house has a guest room. The guests right now are boxes. Most of the boxes are from my momma's estate and contain things either I haven't seen in years or things I have never seen. Last night, while I was casually opening another white Washington apple box, I pulled out an old metal file box labeled, "Mama and Daddy Keepsakes," written in Momma's handwriting. I could have put it aside with the rest of the keepsake stuff I need to go through, but I decided to endulge myself and take a closer look.

I was hoping for love letters or old valentines sent between my grandpa ("Pa" to me) and my grandma ("B" to me) while he was away in WWII. Instead, I found items that spanned time from Pa's high school days (Letterman N's from his days as a Nashville, AR Scrapper) to his death (obituary, church bulletin containing a tribute and part of his eulogy). There were some things about B also, but I'll save those for another time. This one is for Pa.

I can only go by what I found, what I've been told and what I remember about Pa. He passed away one day after my 14th birthday and a week shy of his 60th, so I can't ask him.

From what I was told when I was young, he grew up with one brother and four sisters, and his father was a hard man who drank and sometimes beat the kids. I know the family owned a good sized farm because I found my great-grandpa's will in which he stated how he wanted the 240 acres in Howard County, AR to be divided. I'm sure Pa learned how to farm, because he had a large and beautiful vegetable garden every summer. When we came to visit, my brother and I would help pick peas, tomatoes, beans, eggplant, squash and okra. I also remember sinking my fingers into freshly turned over soil as we walked behind his tiller picking up potatoes.

One thing Pa never talked about was the war. I knew he was a veteran and had been a gunner in airplanes, but no details. Now I know more. He served for two years during WWII. If I had never opened that box, I would not have known that he spent 1 1/2 years in the South Pacific and was part of 45 air missions. His honorable discharge papers named his decorations and citations as:Good Conduct Air Medal with 2 Bronze Clusters, American Theater Asiatic-Pacific Theater with 5 Bronze Stars, and Philippine Liberation with 2 Bronze Stars. I don't know what any of that really means, but he would never talk about the war or what he did. If I could guess why he didn't, I would say he was proud to have served and proud of his country, but not happy that he had to be part of death and destruction. His title was Staff Sgt. Airplane Armorer Gunner with this description: Flew in 45 combat missions in a B-24 Aircraft over enemy occupied territory of New Guinea and Luzon. Pulled firing pin to arm bombs while airplane was in flight. Inspected and assisted in the repair of bomb racks, gun sights, and turrets. Fired caliber 50 machine guns while in combat. That's a lot of responsibility.

He had married my grandmother before going to war, and returned to Howard County after he finished his service, where he must have worked with his dad and brother for a while. I found a weekly time book with the three of them listed along with hours worked in November of 1945, a month after his discharge. I don't know how long he did that, but he eventually took a job with Reynolds Alluminum. He worked in various locations with Reynolds for 25 years until he retired with disability from a back injury.

His time at Reynolds produced the next surprising piece of information. I found an envelope that contained a picture of him at his retirement. There was a newsletter in the same envelope, so I opened it up. Right there was an article about my Pa and an invention he had made that saved labor and money for the company. I never heard about this. The newsletter was dated 1966, which was two years before I was born, but I still can't believe no one talked about it. I have often wondered how all the improvements have happened to make factories and machines more efficient. Now I know. It is because of people like my Pa, men or women who might have just made it through high school, didn't graduate from MIT, but worked hard, saw a need, and figured out a way to fulfill it. I'm proud that Pa was one of these people.

He was also a poet of sorts. My grandma published some of his poems in a little booklet after he died. I have several copies, but had not looked at them in a while. There was one in the box. Poetry was a way he had of expressing his thoughts and feelings about things, but he never thought his work was worth publishing. My grandmother wanted to give everyone something to remember him by, so she made the booklet. I'm glad she did. The verses are a little window into his viewpoints and his sense of humor. Since we just had the Super Bowl, I thought I would share his poem about a trip to the Cotton Bowl:

Cotton Bowl 1961

We and our friends the Tolletts

Had this brainstorm one day

To drive down to the Cotton Bowl

In Dallas U.S.A.

It was so dark that morning

You couldn't see outside

And most of all those people

Drove just like Bonnie and Clyde.

We finally made it down there

Boy, and what nerve it took

Then the girls went in to change their clothes

And left them on the hook.

Then Glen and Libba told us
You both show little class,
By washing off your fingers with
The water from your glass.

We had a little drizzly rain
But very little heat
Oh, yea you got it figured
The Razorbacks got beat.

We finally made it home that night
By jumping curbs and ruts
Now we've left all those pleasures
To the other football nuts.

Pa's moments of fame weren't limited to company newsletters and postumous publications. He made it into the newspaper too. In 1980 he broke the state record for hybrid striped bass when he caught a 10 3/4 lb., 28 1/2 inch fish. He's actually smiling in that picture.

When we moved to Arkansas in August of 1982, one of the things I was really looking forward to was spending time with Pa. He came to Kansas to help us move, and helped us get settled into the duplex next door to the house he shared with my grandma and where my momma and aunt had been raised. He encouraged my brother to sign up for football and got to see him practice, but never got to see him play. About a month after we moved, he developed a sore throat and was gone less than a month later from a fast acting luekemia. There were so many people that came to pay their respects at his funeral, that the chapel couldn't hold them all. The spilled out into the vestibule.

I know Pa wasn't a perfect man. He had mellowed by the time I came along, but he still had a temper and pictures of him often show his mouth in a hard line rather than a smile. I know he was strict with my mom and aunt sometimes, but I also know he loved them and my grandmother to distraction. He loved my brother and me too and would have loved his other grandchildren if he had lived long enough to know them. He made a difference in his service for our country, a difference in his workplace, and a difference to me. I can attribute my love for home grown tomatoes, red skin potatoes, cornbread and buttermilk, and the smell of pipe tobacco (unsmoked) to him. By example, he taught me to work hard, listen respectfully to my elders yet think for myself, and grow in my faith. There is so much more I could tell, but instead I'll share another poem with you that will let you know another reason I loved Pa and why I miss him still. He loved me.

Untitled
Lana is a nice sweet girl
She loves her Pa and B
And if I had one word to say
She would live with B and Me.

Jedie is a hamburger boy
But Lana's a Pop Tarter
Big Mac's always do you good
But Pop Tart's make you smarter.